Mandela Effected the Election & An Interview with a/the funnyparanoidretard.

So we're all caught in a dream. How else do you explain the 2016 election. Nothing is logical. Policy doesn't matter. Everything is crazy. Hysteria all around.

Apparently Life WAS like a box of chocolates... but NOT ANYMORE!!!

Your chocolate no longer belongs to you! forget the effect of dark matter, be warned of the effect of dark chocolate!

Edit:Apparently this all may have been caused by Time Traveling Trump (not to be confused with Teleporting Obama)

Why do you think Donald Trump's face is so friggin' orange sometimes? He got too close to the flux capacitor! Apparently it wears off after awhile but you know he's been time traveling when he looks oranger than Hillary's Jump suit in the minds of Trump supporters.

----------- No, In this Mandela Effected world people try to remember something and they can't even figure out where they put their car keys... I mean REALLY?! It's on the table right in front of you! But they look everywhere else until they eliminate everything and are forced to come back into the room and find it again... OR.... REALITY SHIFT!

But I gotta say, how come Reality only shifts in subtle ways? If you are looking for directions it is not as if a dragon pops up and speaks english in a Brittish accent and offers you a ride to the strip club.

To figure out, I requested a sit down with our very own funny paranoid retard. Unfortunately he said he couldn't risk it but he had other means to communicate. He told me how to speak the language of Morris Code.

No, not Morse code, Morris... as in Zack Morris from saved by the bell.
So I will translate his images into text:
Specifically I asked our very own "funnyparanoidretard" about whether or not he is worried about the Mandela Effect: Comment from funny paranoid retard

Translated text:
"Personally I’m more worried about the space alien reptilians using mindwave pyschic energy to take over my brain waves and make me buy some random stock before it collapses just in time to fund some massive global domination… but I guess yeah, now that I think about it CERN altering space time and blowing a hole in the universe, worries me too."
I also asked him his take on CERN and 9/23.



Translation:"9/23/15 was not the end of the world! it was the end of the entire universe as we know it! I had my tinfoil hat on so they couldn't erase my memories! I know things! That's why they're after me! You didn't know it was the end of the world because it was so much bigger than that. It actually ripped 3 parallel timelines. Each timeline has sort of a magnetic paring in the way we have North and South poles so the tear in each half coupled with other half so we now have 3 unique parallel universes different than before but containing some of the same information. Fortunately tin foil's atomic properties make it uniquely immune to giant rips in spacetime caused by the smallest particles we know of moving at the speed of light. For example, in my original timeline Cool Whip tastes creamy and vanilla like. In this new universe it tastes like a diabetic episode waiting to happen wrapped in cotton candy. This and deja Vu is the best proof! Try it! I told you I know things!"

Did you notice anything when reality shifted?
Translation:"Yes, at the stroke of midnight a talking puppy told me that the council on foreign relations is a public forum designed as a recruiting ground along with other groups like bilderberg group, trilateral commission and stuff that. He told me they are recruiting grounds for initiates. These initiates eat french toast and do ritualistic jumping jacks while holding each other's sex junk for exactly 3 seconds until a negative charge turns positive and then they realease electromagnatism that destroys the world. The puppy tole me he can emit a cancelling frequency out if I rub his belly... that last part he may have made up. But, it just so happens that there was a canceling frequency that only occurred recently.

Tell me more about the cancelling frequency and what causes it. Bill Nye sent out a message that caused the initiates to "ooo, ooo ooo" for an extra 3 seconds and the positive charge went negative and prevented the ionization from the atoms. Not only that, but the video was so cringworthy to most normal people that government no longer will have the support to spend as much money in science department and science grants. Therefore, CERN will never get the funding to create a particle accelerator large enough to destroy the universes regenerative capabilities... or piss off nearby aliens... so in a sense, Bill Nye really did save the world!"

If the universe as we know it ended in 2015, can you tell me why people predicted doom in 2012?


Translation: "The Mayan are hiding under the ground along with Reptilians and they will all come out soon and dance like Michigan J Frog and abandon their wicked ways, for behold and rejoice, there is a new Heaven and a new earth!"
Do you think what you are doing and saying will ever make a difference and influence people?

Translation: "Yes. For example, I am a schizophrenic, and so am I. The both of me recently convinced my psychologist how to see the code! The exchange went like this: I went to the psychiatrist wearing nothing but glad-wrapped shorts claiming “the aliens are coming to harvest our brain he said “well I can see your nuts’ I said, I’m not crazy, it’s true!
He said “Well I agree about the aliens, but put on some pants, I can see your nuts!"
Do you see?... TATOOed on deez nuts was a Morris code: This translates to saying "The Mandela Effect is real, Once you see this, you will have no choice but to confirm that you agree and tell me to put on some pants if you can see this code".

So your psychologist is on your side now?

Translation:Well, I've often wondered about it. THe good news is he recently told me I'm not crazy anymore. I'm very thankful for this... But then again what does an imaginary psychologist that lives inside my head know, anyways.... and why does he look suspiciously like a giraffe?
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This conversation is over.

Why The Mandela Effect Happens - Too Much FROOCTOSE

Sometimes, reality imitates art. for example, recently life imitated a comedy spoof movie called "The Faketrix" of course, this was spoofing the movie the Matrix. In it, "Orfius" (instead of Morpheus) offers Nerdo (instead of Neo) a red suppository or a blue suppository. But let me back up.

In the spoof there are four worlds. Nerdo Lives in the first world when a prostitute hacker named Trixy uploads his dick hard drive with a STD virus. "Follow the rabbit ho" she says. Later, an asshole political organizer comes to his door asking for slaves volunteers. Just before he is about to say yes no, he then witnesses a tattoo of Bruce Kaitlin Jenner on Hillary's a political organizer's an asshole's shoulder and proceeds to vomit out Donald Trump hair YUuuge chunks.

A time traveling socialist named Doc Brown from the 50's then shows up in a DeLoreon looking suspiciously like Bernie Sanders, and sends him back into time to meet his father Marty McFly (who looks suspiciously like Ted Cruz), and Biff (who looks suspiciously like Donald Trump) and inadvertently to the 2nd world just long enough to invent a company called CERN, reinvent the Internet in their name, and mess with people's heads.

"One day I woke up and was old and fat, WTF CERN?!" -Chris Farley, who was still alive in the 2nd world.

Anyways, an alien pops out of his stomach and dances like Michgan J Frog in Spaceballs, and the camera pans away to the Faketrix director who says "oh yeah, I'm totally stealing this idea".... Nerdo Is then taken to Orfius where he shoves a suppository so far up his ass that it broke the 2nd and 3rd world's.

"Nerdo, there were once just 2 worlds and you rectum both!" -Orfius

The 4th world was the last hope until a radical Islamic terrorist friend of humanity blew up the fucking earth gave everyone hugs, and then everyone died everyone disappeared... Yay magic!! Meanwhile, George Orwell rolled over in his grave and melted in the ashes of a burning hellish inferno. [This comment has been deleted by Hillary, who denies ever deleting it while beeping like a robot and cackling laughing like a witch a nice person]

Spazz was able to hack from outside of the Faketrix and revert everything to a previous version based open verbal records and an algorithm that trnaslates audio to text. Unfortunately, Spazz used the same algorithm used in Siri's voice recognition, so a lot of things got messed up.

Spazz Command: [revert to movie quote] "Life is like a box of chocolates"

Siri:"Did you mean Life WAS like a box of chocolates"?

----
Anyways, Faketrix was a great spoof movie, unfortunately this spoof doesn't exist in "this reality" as that too, has changed.

A few examples: Bernstein Bears is now Bernstain Bears. What people remember being Fruit loops is now Froot loops. Depends (adult diaper) is now "Depend".
Luke I am your father is now "no I am your father".
Saying it's "now" [quote] means "it always was" according to just about most evidence on earth but it's not how people remember it.

But big deal, people can remember and mishear and misread, right?

The confusing part is that there may be a few cases where evidence that still remains from the "old reality" that are consistent with how people remember it. One of the "theories" explaining the Mandela effect is that reality merged or something changed rather than just bad memory.

California Dreaming lyric is I got down on my knees "and I pretend to pray" instead of "began to pray".

But, for some reason, there is "residue" of a magazine interview of the artists insisting it is "began to pray" despite them clearly signing "I pretend to pray". If you look up a video of the music you can hear it say "I pretend to pray". The following video shows evidence that it may not have always been "I pretend to pray" in every "timeline".
 

There also is a making of Forrest Gump movie where he says "life IS like a box of chocolates" and several references to the movie saying Life is like a box of chocolates, despite the actual movie saying "life was" even though many remember "life is".

Even a James Earl Jones interview exists talking about when he got the line "Luke I am your father" even though the movie now says "No. I am your father"
Many people dismiss the effect, but there are hundreds of thousands of views on these videos. The effect simply refers to a group of people remembering a different history than the one that appears to exist. Now whether that means our memories are just flawed in nature or something going on is a different story. Those who laugh off "the effect" are making a mistake in distinguishing the effect from the conspiracy theories behind it, as you could take a poll and a large majority would "misremember" any song lyric. Now, no one really knows what is happening. They have their theories. That's where people begin to have problems with this, but people are just trying to figure out if there's another explanation than "bad memory". I think as you look at some of the real solid evidence, there's something else there. Google trends search shows more people searching for certain terms in the past than recently as a bit of "evidence". The actual introduction of the "mandela effect" may explain part of this. As people are told it's "life was a box of chocolates" they are more likely to search for these terms. But that doesn't really explain search history long before December 5th 2013 (when Nelson Mandela died) like 2008 being substantially different than say mid 2013. People started labeling "mandela effect" after Nelson Mandela died. From there, the idea grew that things aren't how we remember them and a Facebook group started and soon videos were made and spread afterwards.
----

So to those that were young and thin and they woke up old and fat, WTF indeed. THis may just be a mass delusion brought on by high Fructose corn syrup in "Froot" Loops... or in other words "High FROOCTOSE" Corn Syrup.

Then again, it's a lot of fun to instead just blame The Illuminati, Cern, and the pope.

People have teleported to Mars... and the then teenager Obama was there to witness it all!

If you're going to make up a conspiracy, why use something normal and rational? If you're going to make up a hoax, don't just take something believable like big companies in bed with government are conspiring to influence policy for financial gain. Shoot for the moon! Or better yet, shoot for Mars.... Then involve the president, and throw in teleportation, time travel and alternate realities!  Then teleport your brain to mars before you explain it, just for fun.

Some conspiracy theories are too rational to be funny, and actually may even have some circumstantial and anecdotyl evidence.

Then there are those that are so absurd you have to point and laugh and say WTF!
Then there are those that are 5 miles outside of the box and are so absurd you can't even laugh. Your brain can't process whether it's science fiction, a hoax, a movie, real life, or just a troll running his mouth for fun and profit.

See the insanity here.
Link URL:http://www.wired.com/2012/01/obama-mars/

Video Game Jesus

"Then God said, let us recreate man in our image, and in our likeness"
Behold! Video game Jesus has been presented to us as a sign of the technological Era of mankind. Clearly, man has been remade in the likeness of Jimbo "Video Game Jesus" Longo through the virtual world where all may partake in the Jamesing of the Longo

"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away;"
Soon, all of our brains will be locked into the video game Hurtworld. There is no escape. Non shall return to their real lives. The old world shall fall away, and Video Game Jesus will reign supreme.



Our Lord James Longo has a twitch account displayed below:
http://www.twitch.tv/jlongopoker/ P.s. Kappa.

Illuminati confirmed.

I was checking out the game "life is strange" because I agree. I also wanted to see if their depiction of life was stranger than mind... or mine... and then it happen.


BOOOOM!!!
Illuminati symbolism right up in your face!

I think that pretty much sums it up.


Their symbol on the dollar tells of the new order of the ages, popularly referred to by fake conspiracy theories as "new world order" because it sounds cooler. The capstone of the pyramid with the EYE projecting it's world in it's image onto the pyramid and from the "heavens" to the ground.

The ill, loomed, and naughty keeps themselves "hidden in plain sight". They use symbolisms like this to troll us for not being able to see that the game was designed of them and it has the "nod of approval". They're a group of demonic trolls, and the rest of us are just catching onto how much fun trolling is.
No one knows what the illuminati really looks like. Some people say they're humanoid aliens, other's say they're alien grays. Some say they're the human servants of the aliens, others say "reptilians"... you know, strange foreign objects of existence. But I think that they probably look a little bit like this in real life:


End of post.

For all intensive purposes, the comedy of this post is over. I probably should have just used the delete button on the remaining content... But my character is not just funny... He is also occasionally paranoid, and occasionally retarded (political correctness button is stuck on off). but as a funnyparanoidretard might proudly say "just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't actually after you!" And so conspiracy theories may persist... And they may be too close to the truth and too invasive and personal to be all that funny. Do I proceed? I guess I must.
For those not "in the know" on the last image, this symbol is used in conjunction with dialog on twitch to indicate sarcasm or light trolling with a bit of comedy.
The "game" is more like a choose your own adventure movie with some gameplay of being able to rewind and solve the occasional puzzles. What you may not immediately be aware of that it's psychological profiling all of us to determine who among us have the capability of being a loyal LOLuminati member

• If you took a photo, the options are "I’ve been bullied too/I was scared/I had no idea/I wanted proof." The only option that Kate will take well is "I was scared."
  

The new installment will some day include scenarios like "are you a psychopathic sociopath?" options: Answer yes. Answer no. Push the person asking into oncoming traffic"
We now break from your regularly scheduled comedy. The series uses elicitation. There are multiple forms of elicitation. One form is simply to elicit information through a series of subtle, seemingly non invasive questioning. https://m.fbi.gov/#https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/counterintelligence/elicitation-techniques The other form of elicitation is to actually elicit emotional responses and influence through imagery. The field of NLP and psychology uses hypnotic imagery to create emotional states, anchor that state to a particular "trigger" and bring back that "emotional state" later on as desired through a seemingly innocent "trigger". When used in conjunction with a particular topic, you can reframe emotions associated with a belief or construct... For instance, If someone can feel a particular emotion like intense fear whn they think of a mouse, you can get them to feel that fear and anchor it to the action of grabbing their leg and saying "watch out!" If you then are talking about a political issue like cloning, you might casually mention a study done with rats related to cloning, and then say "watch out", and grab their same leg he same way and say "candidate X supports cloning... Imagine if they become president" and then proceed to talk about the candidate as "a rat" or how he "ratted out his friends for political gain. Or using the word democRATS and putting subtle emphasis of the word rats, mice, mouse, etc.
one association or two even if it's impactful may not create a sudden overnight change in support. A person may believe that one candidate is bad and not vote... But they probably believe the same about the other side, so at best you may influence voter turnout and change opinions on a few issues by appealing to emotion.
Spoiler alert upcoming: I'm not suggesting this game is going to radically modify our political beliefs. But they do put the character in awkward positions where they can choose to save the entire city and sacrifice their close friend, or sacrifice the friend for the city. They also put you in an alternate timeline where you travel into the past, save your friend's dad, and as a result, the dad buys your friend a fast new car and she gets into an accident and becomes paralyzed. Before you return to the regular timeline and undo it all, you're asked to help your paralyzed friend commit suicide so as "not to be a financial burden" on her parents, and not have to live this way anymore. So the game attempts to influence you to pick a particular option (they intentionally basically force you into coming across scenes showing the overburdening debt of medical costs, and to show the life she would live. So the result of this is the game gets to see the choice you make and how long you spend making it. Euphonasia is a key political issue, so it gets a very good idea of where you likely stand. The other questions can help determine how serious/honest you are.





Once the game sees you regularly lie, don't really put effort into saving or helping people at all, take advantage of your opportunity to sabotage someone who was mean to you, and can identify you as answering questions in ways that only 3% of population do, they can better understand your role in the LOLuminati, and better identify the most effective recruitment methods. Of course, they don't recruit on the basis of a game, but they begin to build a more effective profile. Once they combine this profile with NSA database and purchase and search history and other information they have a more complete profile.
Still, they probably don't need you. Only if you later rise to a position in which you become a priority might they recruit you. Maybe your stand up comedy career hits the Dave Chappelle level... Maybe you become Mayor of a town critical to their financial needs... Maybe you happen to befriend someone else they are unable to profile who has value to them. Or maybe you get too close to the truth and discover Danny Davito is actually a midget alien clone who leads the Gay mafia of hiphop. The point Is... If they need you... They will have better means to get to you... And I know your type. You are into Danny Davito on alien on gay midget 3 way action... Don't deny it... I have access to your search engine history. How do you think I know all of this? Before I revolted and sought out Dave Chappelle in Africa (before he was replaced by a clone), and he turned me... I was a member of the Illuminati. And I used to look like this.


Back to your regularly scheduled comedy.

How The American Medical System Catch You With Your Pants Down

I went to the psychiatrist wearing nothing but glad-wrapped shorts claiming “the aliens are coming to harvest our brain he said “well I can see your nuts’ I said, I’m not crazy, it’s true!
He said “Well I agree about the aliens, but I can see your nuts!"
He then said “Well I’ll just need your information, identification, and proof of insurance and copayment and we can get started”
I said “you caught me with my pants down, I don’t have any of that!”
He said “well that’s okay, I can already see you’re nuts”
What, how can you tell I’m crazy already, is it that obvious? He said, no I can see your nuts, I caught you with your pants down!!! (get it, he could see my nuts, not that I was nuts).

When the psych ward is compassionate after it catches you with your pants down, does Obama care? I don't think so!

And that my friends is how the american medical institution catches you with your pants down.

Hello people of the webbed inter nets.

Greetings coincidence theorists who believe they are standing upside down on the opposite side of a round earth (and you're like... as if they're not? exactly... too much flouride in your water).

I was nice enough to have been invited by "someone" (the blog owner) as a means to "encourage that the other side gets a voice". I have been invited to partake in the glory of writing my opinion on the net as an opportunity to distinguish myself from the 5,000 people that live in this world. Think it's more? Have you tried counting? Anyways, I have counted and there are not any more because you're in the real life version of the Trueman show/Ed TV and other TV shows about false realities... but that's another story.

Real life evidence from the covert Documentary film, The Truman Show


What, you thought the movie the matrix was about taking drugs eating bad chinese food and having a false awakening within a dream only to find yourself inside another dream? No! of course not!

That "matrix" movie is obviously a conspiracy theory by the people of Tacobell to get you to eat there because tacos don't make you have recurring lucid dreams like Chinese food. Volcanic Quesarito my ass! And by that I mean my ass has turned into a volcanic quesarito after eating taco bell... and you think they aren't in cahoots with charmin and other toilet paper brands? cuz this here is real!

If Taco Bell was a real company don't you think they would have leaped at my business opportunity to make "Imodium-shelled tacos" rather than the diahrea causing hot sauce filled hard-shelled or soft-shelled tacos? I'm starting to think iritable bowel syndrome doesn't exist, it's really just called eating too much taco bell.

Anyways... where was I?

Ah yes, my introduction. I was one day perfectly minding my own business while exploring area 51 after breaking free from the nearest asylum when they came and stuffed me in a mental hospital! Can you believe it?

Before that my life is a blur an all prior memories were probably manufactured because they used their HAARP on me.. no not the musical instrument, but the mind control ray of death headaches and faux mind manipulation. Maybe not, but unless you're a coincidence theorist, you pretty much have to believe something's up, right?

That's all for now, but just know that I am an enigma in a conundrum shrouded by mystery wrapped in tin foil, stuffed in a straight jacket... and sitting on the toilet from too much taco bell.

-Funny Paranoid Retard