The Flat Earth Joke

Flat Earthers Around [standing on the] world unite!

I'm convinced the idea of a flat earth is mostly the ultimate troll job by people who don't actually believe the earth is flat to try to convince others that it is... as a joke!

Nevertheless, trying to come up with a possible explanation of how modern scientific evidence could have an alternative theory that still operates under a flat earth is quite the difficult puzzle.... Why? Probably.. I don't know, because the earth actually is spherical?

Flat earthers either think the earth is a circular pancake-like disc moving up creating gravity or that density is the only reason for gravity. If you ask another group of flat earther's of course, that's just a conspiracy put out by "round earth theorists" trying to make them look bad... mostly because the "mainstream" flat earth theories have been thoroughly discredited already. In the flat earth world, antartica is the edge of the world and rather being south of every continent, it surrounds the outer wall of the earth's edge and prevents the oceans from flooding off the edge I guess.

Well trying to prove a round earth theory to the flat earthers is actually not as easy as you might think. For example, if you say "well if you stand on a mountain top you can see things farther away because you have an angle to see over the horizon line" they might try to tell you that vision improves with higher altitude or something.. So It's the ultimate trolljob because they seem to have an answer for everything. Not necessarily always a good one.

Also, they often don't accept your evidence or have another explanation for it which may contridict a lot of other basic things and require a whole new set of beliefs in a different area. As such, they disagree with one thing and you have to explain to them something else and they debate you on that.

So here's how you can prove a flat earther he's wrong. Before they change their interpretation subjectively to fit their beliefs, you have to agree on what will constitute as proof. Say, okay, if this map you're showing me is correct, the distance from Chile or Argentina to China would be less than India or Australia. If the earth is spherical, you could go underneath the bottom of the earth at enough of an angle to take a huge short cut while avoiding the harsh weather conditions of the Artic, right? If they don't understand show them a globe.

So you set up a bet and say if they will accept the flight arrival times are accurate (something that may be difficult to do because it challenges their beliefs) that you can prove to them that the earth is flat because the flight arrival times are shorter. If they won't accept that, make them prove it by taking a flight and if the flight lands and they have proven the times match a flat earth through video evidence of flight landing and looking at the local clock, you'll pay for their flight. If you're right, they have to buy a flight.

Of course, if they try to argue that the plane goes 3 times faster when it goes farther away, you know you can't actually convince them of anything. But if they can come up with some elaborate hypothesis of the earth being bowl shaped and the spin of the earth keeping things on the sides to stick without blocking up the sky or something, then good for them, you can challenge them to come up with a way to test the hypothesis.

Well, here's the tough part. When I tried to look up a video debunking the flat earth by showing the flight times, instead I get some flat earther who says those flights don't actually exist. Well I was done at this point, but at some point if I'm super bored I plan on actually proving those flights exist, not by actually going on them because I think flat earthers bare the burden of proof, but by finding aflight that lands at a particular time. You also don't necessarily need to start with hand picked locations that should be the most obvious. You might instead look at somewhere close to you where you can actually see people getting off a plane at the airport if you wanted to after tracking it's flight arrival times. But that's absurd amount of effort to exert for a bunch of trolls that once you get back from a flight around the world probably would respond... "haha, I tricked you, I knew the earth was round all along! You Got Troll'd!"

September 23rd was the end of the world

As an update to CERNaphobia,

Apparently there's been a big deal about the pope meeting with Obama. Allegedly, tomorrow is the 266th day of the year. Pope Francis is the 266th pope.

The Pope was elected 923 days ago, meets and speaks today on 9/23, and there've been all sorts of alleged subliminal messages that point to 9/23.

Normally, I'd be all about making fun of this coincidence by pointing to a scene in the movie 23 where Jim Carey's character goes paranoid delusional, but in reading about this I came across this article.

Quote:"After about 10 minutes, the pope departed the White House for the meeting with Obama and thousands of dignitaries. He arrived there at 9:23 a.m."

Another coincidence that I have been told is a "bradley siderograph turn date". I don't know much about it other than it's an astrologically derived date that has been accurate in forcasting turns in the market more often than not, just not accurate with regard to direction. So either within 4-5 days a high OR low will form a higher percentage of the time than a random walk should suggest. I guess this must mean there is some sort of astrological significance. "The stars align!"

What's it mean? Is the pope an occultist intentionally following numerology? Or is he actually not intentionally having these days align and it's just the divine order of things? Or perhaps those around him are coordinating events and times so that he shows up there! Or maybe conspiracy theorists are all infected with a brain parasite manipulating their thoughts to intentionally distract from real conspiracies!  oh noes!!!!!! run for your lives!!!!!

As you probably noticed 9/23 is over... and we're all still here... but that doesn't stop all conspiracy theories from claiming the CERN experiments will create increases in gravity that will attract giant comets to destroy the world. Apparently by December if we're all still here, we can dismiss it. And if we aren't.... not like there's anything we (the large majority of people) could do anyways.

CERNophobia - Unleashed!

What do the pope, Obama, science, God, shiva, demons, time traveling dimensional portals and Marty McFly have in common?

They all think they're pretty sweet now, but they're in deep shit on 9/23 because if you believe the conspiracy theorists, it's going to be worse than Y2K, May 2011, December 2012... ummm... its going to be bad!
<runs away in a panic!>

Man that opening question is a great setup line for comedy, isn't it? It's the perfect setup for a killer joke... Unfortunately the conspiracy theorists tend to have a setup but the punch line always falls flat. That's too bad, because that would really help the cause of making conspiracy theory comedy.

Instead the punchline is that the world is ending? So... umm... yay? yeah.... comedy and destruction of the universe really doesn't go together. Talk about a hard sell. I've heard of dark humor, but... damn!

If you believe the conspiracy theorists, they're all related and the end is near, so... I don't know, pray while you can? Normally conspiracy theorists always have the "Mad Max Survivalist" option. But getting in your missle bunker isn't going to help for this one because the "opening of the CERN portal" could destroy the entire universe, or bring demons to harvest your soul. If floating endlessly in pieces across the universe doesn't appeal to you, or seeing apparitions isn't your idea of a good time, you shouldn've have taken the red pill.... and just think, you could have had the blue pill and a 3 hour errection instead! bad choice! you lose!

Depending on which conspiracy theory on the same topic you look at, they are mentioned in conjunction with 9/23/2015 and the CERN supercollider.  The "Armageddon out of here" will begin once they amp CERN to full power on 9/23.

Allegedly Stephen Hawking, Neil DeGrasse Tyson and other scientists warn of the risks and there may be enough energy to incinerate the planet or even destroy the entire universe. The Higgs Boson particle or "God Particle" could prove parallel universes or dimensions or be used to recreate the conditions following the big bang.

So I decided I would Google "Stephen Hawking CERN"

http://www.inquisitr.com/1459859/the-end-of-life-itself-stephen-hawking-talks-god-particle/
It looks like Hawking only said IF it were isolated and then highly powered. But nevertheless, there is some danger depending on which theory about subatomic particle is right and how it relates to the rest of the world as the theory of everything might prove that the Higgs Boson particle could in fact destroy the universe... so we have that going for us.

Okay, so you might say there are SOME things that are almost facts mixed in with these conspiracy theories... but we've only just scratched the surface. Rather than create legitimate scientific conCERN, the conspiracy theorists resort to fear mongering stupidity to the Nth degree, thus discrediting legitimate cause for concern.

Keep in mind that based upon the calculations it would need a particle accelerator the size of the earth itself to obtain that, but DETAILS, who needs them! Right?

"The flight times may suggest otherwise, but the earth is flat cuz I say it is, and if you show refuting evidence I will find out those flights were cancelled once and therefore they're imaginary, so your GMO infused diet must make you wrong and if you need me, I'll just be sticking my head in the sand and ignoring facts!"

If conspiracy theorist says something, it better not be challenged, or prepare to be struck down hard.

But, let's not have a conspiracy theory without involving the "Illuminati", right? The illuminati are an alleged secret society that may use other publicly known groups and secret societies as recruiting grounds to recruit people to "higher up". Of course since the CFR is allegedly one of those groups, and since on the public homepage for the council on foreign relations the memberships of this group and other think tanks like the chatham house are publicly available, people can make connections of members to being at least former or current upper management of all major media outlets.

Since the illuminati is therefore connected to all major media outlets like a giant octopus tentacle taking over the planet as warned in this SNL cartoon documentary.

Maybe they don't think the movie symbolism is a psy op done by the illuminati and instead they're just suffering from some kind of manic delusion or schizophrenic episode that the universe is talking to them through movies and they have to tell everyone? Who really knows? Both?

Great Scott!

Anyway, supposedly in the 1980s the collapse of the WTC was known ahead of time and so it was told about in a movie through symbolism. But to get this message you have to go BACK to the movie in the future. The same producer 30 years later decides to produce a movie about the world trade center of "the walk".

Somehow, the fact that the producer likes using a leather jacket, a red shirt, and jeans plus a few vaguely interpreted symbols that could mean anything depending on the viewer, translates into a signal 30 years in time. Afterall he did try to warn the doc with a letter to be read 30 years from now, so we must be Doc Brown that he's trying to warn.

I don't know these things!

All I know is that if you continue to look through the crazy section of youtube, you also see things about computer simulation. And somehow CERN is going to be the EMP pulse that shuts off the game console guiding our computer simulation of life, cuz this here is real! (and by real I mean fake).

I don't actually know what to type now because the residual energy from CERN is causing a dimensional portal to interfere with my thoughts. Or else they targeted my mind with HAARP because I don't have my foil hat on!

Either way, I'm going to stop for now, maybe later.... but it just turned from 9/21 to 9/22 right now... there may not be a later! Oh noes!!! We all gonna turn into a puff of smoke or maybe wake up from this dream like Neo.

Stay "tuned" (as if you're some kind of cosmic tuning fork radiating frequencies and I want to use language to manipulate your frequency... but that's another story!)

The Computer Simulation of Doom! Foil Hat Time!

Depending on who you ask, the world we live in is nothing but a computer simulation by an intelligent alien race. The logic goes...
1)If there are a near infinite number of stars in the sky with multiple planets in them, all with the potential for all the varables to line up to produce life.
2)It is a statistical probability that not only intelligent life exists elsewhere, but that it exists with such a vast number that it is almost a certainty that there are civilizations more advanced than us.
3)If so, it seems logical that technology on civilizations like ours would continue to advance at such a rapid rate that eventually computer simulations indistinguishable from real life.
4)If it can be done at least once, it would eventually through the passage of billions of years be performed trillions of times and eventually the simulations would develop their own simulations within simulations.
5)Eventually simulated life far outnumbers actual life, and continue to expand exponentially and therefore... since the simulations indistinguishable from reality eventually outnumber reality to a near infinite amount due to exponential growth, we are probably a computer simulation.

Before you Agent Smith's get your collective suits in a bunch... there's more.

Tighten up your tin foil hat because we've only just begun. It gets to go from hilarious tripped out combination of the Matrix and inception to being the destruction of the universe... and trying to make impending doom into comedy... well... there's nothing funny about doom and fear mongering, bur that won't stop me from trying!

However, you cannot just continue to hear this information without giving you the choice. It is my duty to put in a corny matrix movie reference and ask you...

Do you want the blue pill, or the red pill?

Take the blue pill and suffer Viagra erections for 3 hours and/or a visit to the hospital and an akward conversation with Doc Brown. Take the red pill and trip out like some lunatic who's on a bad trip and starting to spout off on YouTube about some giant conspiracy theory involving God, the Pope, Obama, supercolliders and Marty McFly... cuz why the hell not, right?

Made your choice?

Follow me.

Conspiracy Theories - The Comedy

This blog is for random discussions about bizarre and hilarious conspiracy theories. Who knows... maybe they're all true, but that doesn't mean they aren't often great material to laugh at and make fun of.

So get a big glass of fluoridated water, strap on your tin foil hat, get on your oxygen tanks and hide your chemtrails, cuz it's about to get good. Run down to your bunker and grab your vatican made, chemically laced illuminatus popcorn ready, cuz (southern redneck accent) "stuff's about to happen real good!"